i'm just so darn happy.

wow, i cannot remember the last time i have been this happy. i didn't win a million dollars, i didn't get A's in all my classes this semester, and i am definitely not married or pregnant. i guess you can say I've just learned to roll with the punches. i have an amazing family, amazing friends, an amazing job, a car. i have no complaints. without getting into too much detail, the past 5 years have been pretty difficult, but i am now happier than i have ever been, and this is what has been making me so happy:
mary.
oh my gosh. i am obsessed with her. i was finally able to meet my sweet niece for the first time over Easter weekend. Craig and Sara came for Easter weekend to bless the beautiful babe. Jordyn was able to come from Philadelphia, although unfortunately, Peter couldn't come because his finals were the same week. Derek's then girlfriend, now fiance, Amber was also able to come all the way from Canada. It felt SO great to have my family together, I am so blessed to have a family that all loves each other and enjoys each other's company. We had so much fun.

127 Hours.

After watching this amazing movie, i discovered i really don't have that much to complain about, his story is incredible. i didn't realize everything he went through all alone in that canyon. i will soon be reading the book. 

My Job.

i am SO lucky to have my job at heritage. i get paid well, LOVE the people i work with, get to be around 21 horses all day, get to kiss the horses as much as i want, get to ride whenever i want, i learn so so much, and i also learn a lot from the kids there. they have some incredible stories that make me grateful that i was raised here in utah, even though it is sometimes vanilla-ish.

Ellie.

ellie ellie ellie. anyone who knows me that i am also obsessed with this baby. she's beautiful and so funny. she is now a toddler and is doing the funniest things. not to mention, i love her momma lots too.

Conference.

my super sexy friend leslie had an extra conference ticket and invited me to go, it was great. i felt the spirit. i loved it. it made me happy. 

my momma.

how cliche is it to say that my mom is my best friend? well cliche schliche.?

haha i have the most amazing mother. she's beautiful. and i love that i have this day to celebrate her. love you momma. 

and to top it all off, i just found out yesterday that i am going back to the place where my heart belongs. over the fourth of july i will be back in boston and cape cod. what more could i ask for? i am so excited, the plan is to have jordyn and peter meet us there. see you soon, cape cod!

i'm gonna die.

what i adore right now.

on 2/2/11, the Hansen clan grew and we have a new baby to love and spoil. her name is Mary, and she is beautiful. i love her. she's the first grandchild on both sides of the family, and we are SO happy to have her!

i can't wait until i get to go to Arizona and see the little babe.

have you EVER seen such a cute puppy?

the bachelor is my guilty pleasure. jordyn and i used to watch it together every Monday night in our sweats eating popcorn. now that she is so inconveniently in Philadelphia ;), we now talk Tuesday afternoon about the episode. it's a great tradition and it's a way to keep close while being so far away!

i hope brad picks her:

glad he got rid of her:

tax returns-

these: TRY them.

 and as always, i love this baby too!!



Secretariat.

anyone who knows me that i LOVE animals. particularly dogs, whales, elephants, and horses. last night i was all by my lonesome with nothing to do. i decided to take myself on a date. i went to see secretariat. Sunday night is the perfect time to go see movies, i was the only one in the theater. it was great. i could cry and cry and cry, and never have to deal with people looking at me funny. i don't know what it is about animals, but i care SO much about them. i started horse back riding when i was 11, and started competing, and aside from all the "horse politics" i LOVED it. i don't care what anyone says, aside from dancing, horse back riding is the most beautiful and elegant sport. yes, it IS a sport.

Secretariat was a famous race horse, he was amazing. he's one of the greatest race horses in history. he was only 3 years old when he won the Triple Crown, Kentucky Derby, and the Belmont Stakes. He still holds the fastest race time in history at the Kentucky Derby and the Belmont Stakes. He was on the cover of Times, Newsweek, and Sports Illustrated within one week. And he's the only non-human who's made ESPN's "50 Greatest Athletes of the Century." All he wanted to do was run and be a race horse. A normal horse's heart weighs 10 pounds, Secretariat's heart weighed 22 pounds!! He sired over 600 horses! Ahh i just can't explain how much i love horses, they are so beautiful, and have such a spirit about them. Here are a few pictures of "Big Red" (Secretariat's nickname).

look at how strong he was. he chest muscles are huge.

this made me miss my two horsies so much, Zach and Blondie. they were so good and i loved them too much and i took advantage of those years when i was riding. i had to lose it to realize how much i really loved doing it. one day i will do it all again. and i will not take it for granted. 

iloveyouboys.

it's her party and she'll cry if she wants to.

i love love love this baby. her 1st birthday is coming up and her mother and i tried everything to make her smile, but she wasn't having it. but the pictures turned out, she's beautiful, and now it's time to plan her party. ellie i love you, even when you're grumpy. :)

good day.

anyone who knows me well enough knows that i'm not the most optimistic person in the world. therefore, it's a rare day that i wake up on the right side of the bed, (which i didn't today by the way). i've been to countless psychiatrists and therapists reassuring me that i was predisposed this way. i'm not pessimistic by choice all the time. however, i do choose to be pessimistic about a lot of things. but sometimes i can't always help it. this results in me being a VERY difficult person to be around sometimes. just ask my family and close friends. this is something i have to struggle with daily, because my brain makes me see things half empty instead of half full. it's a daily battle to actually want to get out of bed and have a normal day. i have to FORCE myself to go to school and get outside my comfort zone and be around people my age. if it were a perfect world, all i would do everyday is stay home, cuddle with my dogs (who are 2 of the only things that make me feel better instead of worse), watch movies, read, and eat. every time i step out of the house, i have the same thoughts over and over again. "you have no friends at school, no one is interested in you. this is because you are 20 pounds too heavy, your skin is too fair, your nose has too big of a bump, too many freckles, and you're too guarded for anyone to actually want to be around you." the thoughts always win, i go to school/work with my head down, my iPod in, no smile on my face because what's there to be happy about right? i have more bad days than good, but i have SO much to be grateful for. when i stop focusing on the worldly things, i'm able to see how much i have compared to little kids in africa who are so happy with how little they have. i have a house to live in, i have two living parents that love me, i have siblings that i can talk to everyday (that is if i'm in the mood to ;) ), i have a running car, i get to go to college that is only 15 minutes away from me, i have TWO jobs. TWO! most people right now can't even find one, and i have two!! i get to be around 18 horses that i LOVE and teach kids how to do something that i LOVE. i have a niece to look forward to, and she is HEALTHY and strong. i don't have very many friends, but the few i have are GREAT. i know that there is a God, and he LOVES me. which is one of the hardest things for me to remember, there are so many bad things about me, but he adores me. there are so many people who have never even had the opportunity to know that there is a God that loves them no matter what. i will always always struggle with my depression, BUT from now on, i am going to work harder, and be more open to being happy. i love my family and i love my friends, but now i want to learn how to love myself. because if i don't love myself, why would anyone else want to?

Amen.